Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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