3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
