the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
