break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
