After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
