I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
