Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
