the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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