so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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