you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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