we're blogging at a bar
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
