Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
