i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
