i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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