proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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