Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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