We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
