i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize