You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
