i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
