I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
