Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
