I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
