she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
