can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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