woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
