dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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