She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
