from now on my penis is your penis
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
