new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
