I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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