Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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