we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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