so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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