I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
