I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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