If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
