umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
