I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
