My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize