she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
