this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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