I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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