Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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