I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
