I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
