Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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