this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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