I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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