Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
