I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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