Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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