I am puke
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
