She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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