I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
