He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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