He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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