His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
