if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
