It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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