how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
