my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
