I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize