I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
