I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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