i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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