is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
