My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize