Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
