I'm going to jail i love you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize