I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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