Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
