Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
