i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
