I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
